My vows

Part of my draw towards the priestly role was the opportunity to think about my life as a whole - how can I best enact the principles and values I want to explore? So I took three vows - simplicity, hospitality and pause. As with most things in this project I made them up, but not out of a vacuum. Each is related to common religious vows, and is a practice and orientation that can make us more available - while also encouraging reflection on what matters.

Simplicity

Simplicity had two main aspects. First I had a uniform. Before starting the project, I ran around constructing a wardrobe of black and grey clothes. I wasn’t entirely happy with the end result, but thinking about clothes vanished from my life - one irritant so completely eradicated that I forgot people were still fretting over what to wear. (Now, six weeks after the project ended, I’ve had a ghastly day trying to buy a few decent tops for the impending winter.)

The second main aspect was not buying anything non-essential. I’m aware the devil’s in the detail with this one - what is non-essential? Well, silicone tipped tongs to protect our non-stick frypan was one thing, and a $2 toast rack from an op-shop was another. (I had the odd temptation.) Mostly I just bought food - which included some meals in restaurants and cafes. I also bought books and stationary related to the project and one skein of knitting yarn. I didn’t go near the mall or browse online shops. A lot of the reason for this vow was to remove myself from the consumer cycle - see, want, browse the Internet, day-dream, browse the Internet some more, and finally choose and buy. As with my uniform, mostly it was an absence I didn’t even notice.

I also switched from $40 Just Cuts haircuts - which I’d get several weeks after the point at which my hair was driving me crazy - to $75 cuts from a local salon every six weeks. So I spent more money, but a lot less mental energy on my hair. Simplest of all would have been to let my hair grow out, but short hair feels right to me and simplicity is about reducing struggle - and hopefully increasing coherence.

I talked about this vow in a service here.

Hospitality

The essence of my hospitality vow was to be open to others. The only rule was that when I was in public I had to greet people. No crossing the road if a person is approaching, no ducking into the next aisle if I see someone I know at the supermarket. This really was beginner-level hospitality I know - but I had to start somewhere. Sometimes it was an effort to say hello, but it was also uplifting. And I was constantly surprised at how enthusiastically most people responded - as if they were just waiting for a chance to smile. I tried too, to relax into unexpected opportunities to be hospitable or receive another’s hospitality. I like routine and advanced warning - so it was a challenge for me to “write off” a couple of minutes unexpectedly, let alone a couple of hours.

At a deeper level, I tried to explore the practice of love - especially in relation to people and ideas I normally resist. I talked about hospitality and love in services. I also learnt a lot about hospitality from attending the Rhythms of Grace church. Here is my TEDx talk on The Practice of Love.

Pause

My third vow was pause. The idea was to set aside regular times to step outside of the stream of daily life. I struggled with this one. I tried some prayer apps, but I couldn’t commit to one in particular. Part of the problem was that I didn’t want to “pray” as such.

Halfway through the year I took stock of how I do pause - rather than trying to figure out how I should pause. I came up with a list of seven activities: running, ballet practice, Pilates, cleaning, reading books related to this project, naps and meditation. Reading books is always a morning activity for me, the others can take place throughout the day.

I also adopted a Pomodoro timer as part of my week days. Pomodoro divides time into 25 minutes of work, followed by a five minute break. I used it to formalise my shorter pauses. So I’d do my Pilates routine over three consecutive breaks, and use breaks for ballet exercises and cleaning. I often did 30 minutes reading in the morning. Runs and naps were part of longer breaks. Near the end of the year I took to meditation, and started doing 15 minutes most days, based originally on Cynthia Bourgeault’s description of centring prayer. All this was compromised on more complex days - which were common.

To find out more about Muslim prayer practices, which are a powerful example of regular, collective pauses, I did an interview with Yasir Demirbas.

I talked about this vow in the last service, you can find a 15 minute recording here.